


Ask and you shall recieve

by thewinterangel



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Depressed!Eren, Internet Love, M/M, mentions of suicide and self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-01
Updated: 2015-05-01
Packaged: 2018-03-26 15:53:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3856372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewinterangel/pseuds/thewinterangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Internet love can be very tough. Especially if you're having trouble controlling your mind.</p><p>Eren finds himself struggling with his own thoughts and feelings. To feel such love for someone who is so far away from you... It can be devastating. </p><p>But is there a chance for it to end well?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ask and you shall recieve

**Author's Note:**

> A lil' something I based off on my own life. Probably why it sucks so much. 
> 
> But hey, at least I gave my baes a happy ending, right?

_Who would've thought I'd fall in love with you.._

_You, who I met over the internet three years ago. You, who I've never seen in person. You, who I've never touched.  
_

_I love you. Probably too much. I want to lie next to you late at night, I want you to hold me when I'm at my worst, I want to feel your breath against my skin, I want to feel your lips against mine. You say you're not perfect, but I claim differently._

_You're everything I need, all I ever wanted. If only you saw these words... If only you know how much pain this love is causing me. Knowing that you might not feel the same way for me. You say you love me, but it seems like you're just saying it 'cause you're afraid you're going to hurt me if you say otherwise. It's okay.  
_

_I'd rather live in this beautiful lie than in the painful truth. I'd rather live with you faking it because you care, than you not caring at all._

_But it hurts._

_We're far away from each other. Maybe it's for the best; if I saw you in person, I would probably break down. You live continents away from me. Even if we did meet, then what? I want to start a life with you, but who knows if you want the same. Hell, you might feel chained to me and want to run away. I don't want to make you feel chained. I want you to be free. That was your wish from the beginning, wasn't it?_

_I love you, it hurts. This hell in my head is not getting easier, especially not now when I realised... You love me, but as a friend._

_That's never going to change, is it?_

 

Eren sighed and lowered his head onto computer desk. He kept writing these letters, but never sent them to the person they were meant for. He would just save them to his computer, and hope his pain would lessen. The folder he saved these letters in was named ' _T_ _o Him_ ', and it had over fifty files. 

Levi. The name sounded perfect itself. Who knew internet could connect people so much. Levi was a guy in his early thirties, and he seemed quite mature at first. However, as the time flew past them, Eren got to know this 'mature' guy quite well. Levi was in fact not much different than the seventeen year-old Eren. There were even moments where Eren would wonder if Levi was actually as old as he claims he is.

Three years passed by, and they became best friends. Their way of communicating varied over the years; first it was over a mainstream site which was mostly for videos. Then they switched to a lame smartphone app, which kept crashing and lagging. They got to a point where, if they'd lose connection for a day or two, they'd freak out. One would worry that the other one would die out of concern, or might even think they're avoiding them, while the other one actually _would_ die out of concern and basically freak out.

So yeah. Internet wasn't very reliable at times. But it was the only way they'd communicate, so it was take it or leave it. 

But not everything can be perfect.

Eren was depressed. But not your usual depressed, when someone who just lost their sunglasses says _Oh my God I'm so depressed_. No, this was far more serious. It got to the point where he tried to end his life several times. Self-harm wasn't a stranger to him, either. Not many people understood that, though. Whoever found out about it called him a freak or an abomination. Eren would always listen to those words, because there was never a person that would tell him otherwise.

Well now there was. He had Levi. Levi was his harbour, his safe house. Out of all the times Eren tried to end his life, Levi helped stop more than half just by talking to him via messages. And right in those moments, the moments Eren needed someone the most, is where Levi earned Eren's respect and trust.

Of course, none of them knew it would turn into something much bigger than just respect and trust..

Eren closed his eyes, took a deep breath and straightened back up. He leaned on his elbows and looked at the screen, at the words he wrote. Did these even make sense? Did he really have the right to love Levi? What if this is just one of those shoujo manga moments, where the girl freaks out, cries and panics about a boy who's cool and steady? Are these feelings even real? Should he stop?

But how do you stop love? Eren read many stories about love, and everytime the main character tried to fall out of love, it failed. Of course, every novel he read with a plot like that ended up happily, with the two young lovers in each other's embrace.

Eren frowned at his own thoughts. He felt something in his stomach twist. Levi's face kept appearing in front of his eyes, with his perfect smile and shiny black hair. They might have never met in person, but they could still show each other what they looked like. They had the whole internet under their hands, after all. Suddenly, there was a message on Eren's cellphone. Levi told Eren he'd be absent for three days, and finally, the three hellish days passed. Levi was back at sending him messages. The brown-haired boy jumped and grabbed it, quickly opening the message.

''Yo.'', it was all that Levi wrote. Eren smiled and started writing back.

''Heya! You're up late.'', he replied. It was 5 pm at Eren's, which means it's noon at Levi's.

''Nah, I'm up since 6.. Had some buisness to do.''

Eren frowned. It was odd that Levi got so secretive all of a sudden. Usually, he'd always announce what kind of buisness he had. But instead of pushing it, Eren changed the subject.

''Ok.. How r u, though? We haven't talked in a while.'', Eren typed and sent. It was quite a while until Levi's reply reached him.

''Fine.''

The boy frowned again, but this time felt something in his chest. First he hides what buisness he has to work on, then he lies about how he is (Eren knew exactly what mood Levi was in just by his messages) and then he doesn't even ask about how Eren was.

 _Maybe I'm too needy,_ Eren thought. _Who am I kidding, this is a normal discussion, I shouldn't be hurt by this. Eren, you stupid fuck, always wanting attention._ His mind wouldn't shut up. Eren smiled at his cellphone, feeling stupid and hopeless for even expecting anything else, and just went to his room to lie on his bed.

Half an hour passed, and Levi sent nothing. Eren's eyes were filled with tears, but he still had that smile on his face. _You fucking idiot, did you really expect him to make you a priority? You're nothing important, he probably doesn't even think of you as much as you do of him. Oh yes, it's because you're not normal._ The boy's head was a mess, but his chest was a volcano. He was aware he was jumping to conclusions, but how do you stop believing in something if you've got no proof?

Eren's phone buzzed. It was Levi. _Finally._

''Yo, you home?''

The boy frowned. Why would he ask this?

''Yeah.. Why?'', Eren replied with a frown. At least he was glad Levi remembered him, and decided to send him a message again.

No reply. The app said Levi read his message, but didn't reply. Eren huffed and threw himself back on the bed. Suddenly his feelings disappeared; he became numb. It wasn't a rare occurance, considering his depression and everything. He closed his eyes and tried to relax.

But then, his door bell rang.

''Are you kidding me?'', Eren angrily mumbled to himself, annoyed that he can't even relax properly. He got up and walked over his whole house to reach the front door. Finally, he got there, grabbed the knob and pulled the door.

''Yo.''

The voice was familiar, but only because he heard it not so many times. Eren's eyes stuck on the person in front of him; black hair, silver eyes, short but muscular... He didn't even notice, but his jaw dropped.

''Is that all I get? A freaking jaw drop?'', the short man teased. Eren had to blink a few times before composing himself back to normal.

''L-Levi?'', his voice was filled with doubt and fear of the reply he might get.

''Uuh, yeah?'', the man raised his eyebrow. But a second after that, his face stretched into the widest smile possible, making the most attractive face Eren has ever seen in his life.

''Oh my GOD IT'S REALLY YOU!'', Eren immediately crashed himself into Levi and wrapped his hands around his neck, squashing him like a sponge. He could hear Levi laugh into his shoulder, and he felt his hands on his waist. This was happening, he was _here_.

Wait. He was... Here?

Eren stepped back and kept his hands on Levi's shoulders. ''But.. But how the heck did you-''

''Those three days I told you I was on a buisness thing? I was traveling here. And sorry about the last few messages.. Had to keep it cool to prevent you from suspecting anything.'', Levi said, still smiling. Eren thought he had an angel in front of him right now.

Without words, he pulled him in for another hug, his eyes filled with tears.

''I told you I'd make this thing happen.'', Levi said, stroking the back of Eren's head. The touch made Eren absolutely melt. But it didn't stop there; Levi cupped Eren's face and crashed their lips together. 

Eren twitched, his eyes wide open. But after feeling Levi's hands on his waist and jaw, there wasn't much that he could do but just give into the kiss. Sadly for Eren, the kiss didn't last forever. Levi pulled back and stroked his face with a smile on his own.

''B-but I thought you didn't really love me or-'', Eren started, his face red as fire, but Levi cut him off.

''I thought that you learned by now that nothing you think ever comes out as the truth..'', he said and laughed, placing another soft kiss on Eren's lips. 

**Author's Note:**

> Weeeeell, I hope you liked it. If you did, tell me why in the comments! 
> 
> Thanks for reading, 'cause God knows it's not one of the better pieces of literature out there!


End file.
